a few days ago I was at the dentist after a very long time. so long that the childish fear of doctors managed to grow into fear of an adult.. or decline, because I felt more comfortable with the situation. she was making one single tooth for an hour and a half. really long time tho, she is very precise. now I feel like I have a little work of art, a statue in my mouth. it also feels strange, I forgot that feeling of ‘something new’ in my mouth. unconsciously, my tongue constantly licks and investigates the new surface from all angles over and over. I guess it will take some time.
recently I have also been to Brno again, for my admission exams. I’ve been accepted to two quite similar study fields, yet I still don’t know how to decide, or what is the right decision to make. right for me now, or my future self. I have my graduation ceremony on 16th, therefore I need to visit Brno again very soon. most probably my mother is also coming.
very unexpectedly I got myself a summer job. I was at a bar with my friends and somehow many people that I know and haven’t seen for a really long time came in. so we joined our tables and chatted altogether. one of my friends asked me if I knew someone who knows English very well. I thought it was some kind of a joke because I expected him to know that I studied English for past three years (lol). so I told him that I graduated recently and that I know English pretty well. and he was surprised and thought I studied photography. then he asked if I can teach him English during summer and although I’ve never been a teacher I thought this was a good way to start - with someone I know - therefore the social anxiety boundary somehow disappears. so I started teaching him, we had two lectures so far and it was quite easy-going.
on the same day I got myself this job, I have also been to a barbecue party near the river and woods in our town. my former best male friend was there with his girlfriend that I have never met before. everything was going alright although there were just too many couples to suit my taste but it was still okay. until that friend called his girlfriend ‘sweetheart’ (instead of ‘Katarina’ which is her name) four times per 30 fucking seconds. and I was sitting near the fire and murmured to myself ‘if he says sweetheart one more time I swear I’m gonna kill myself’. too bad one of my other friends heard it and said it out loud so that everyone could hear (dickhead). everything got a bit awkward afterwards because those two looked at me like “omg u stupid bitch u totally don’t understand our love, u cynical old spinster shit” - or at least I felt that from the looks. so I left the place and went to the bar.
probably one of the greatest achievements - right after graduating - is tidying my room. I started a week ago and threw a real bunch of useless shit away and I still haven’t finished it. however, when I do, i’m gonna throw the old furniture away and bring my new beautiful white one in, I’m gonna paint the room white/grey and it will be just awesome, minimalist and sterile.
I have so much more to write down here but I’m really tired now. I need to start updating this sweet place of mine a little more often, so the posts are not that long and unattractive to read. good night for now.